DBF Community Chat Thread
- Thread starter Super Kami Guru
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That's definitely a start. If she can also start serving him slightly smaller portion sizes over time it might help.
Does he have any particular hobbies that might help?
He doesn't really do anything anymore cause he is always in pain. So his hobbies are just watching sports, tv series, and movies.
Get him Wii Sports.
But yeah, that's a drag. See if you can get your parents to start walking together or something.
They'd kill each other lolGet him Wii Sports.
But yeah, that's a drag. See if you can get your parents to start walking together or something.
He likes swimming so she just needs to make sure he does that and actually moves around while in there.
Heck, I'd wager even standing around in a body of water for 30 minutes would do something
I know walking in water burns a lot more calories than walking on land and he won't feel the pain as much. I hope he actually does it.
If there's a few things he can do for even 15 minutes a day... it's going to do him some good.
That's rough... I feel sorry to read that.
I can't say I understand the mentality behind not wanting change totally, I do not, ofc... But I think it has a lot to do with habits. Your father might be aging more, right? I think it reaches a point where many people are fully aware of the risks their lifestyle impose to them, they also fear it, I think... But breaking the habit isn't easy. It may be beyond someone's control many times. I speak it as someone who has a cigarette addiction. I'm 25 yo, but when I was 19 I had a drinking phase which lasted a year. Sure that I didn't have any healthy problems but I've directly spoken to family friends who keeps smoking a pack a day and are already showing serious healthy issues. I think it has a lot to do with how much the person value that route of escapism --- eating more what they want, drinking... As if, even though they grieve they are putting their life into danger, the present satisfaction those things give them may outweigh the fear they have, which is many times real, but may not make them so fond to give up some of their pleasures not to be at poor health.
It's a life challenge situation, yes... And I feel that they are constantly battling with this dilemma, of doing what gives them that momentary pleasure while at the same time fearing they are not in control on breaking the habit, that the rewards system gets the best of them. There may be even that "that's the last one I smoke..." ... While 2 days later you are smoking again, with the former promise being a way to make peace with the struggle of pleasure in some activities and worry over their prejudices.... It's a tough cycle.
I'd say maybe that a psychological approach would come in handy in situations like this. The need for drinking, eating unhealthy. Why is it indispensable? I don't think they don't want to be helped, rather, they feel trapped with the difficulty of breaking the cycle...
I smoke as well. Not a pack a day, but still higher than a few years ago. Used to smoke 4 to 6 a day but when I went through a stressful period with one of my cats, I started smoking more. So now it is 8 to 10 a day. I want to cut back down and eventually quick.
I don't have anyone in my life that has issues from smoking so maybe that is why I am not as worried about it right now, idk.
I do know if I had a health scare involving them, it would snap me out of it real fast.
When he told my mom he was going to carry on he said "What do they want me to do? Get depressed and stare out a window all day!?" I think because he has nothing else he does in terms of hobbies, drinking and eating have become hobbies for him. And I think he already is depressed and is just ignoring it. My mom is going to make changes for him, assuming she sticks with it. The number one thing he needs to focus on is losing weight. He can clean up his diet and quit drinking down the road.
I see. I smoke about 5 ~ 7 cigs a day. Used to be 3 but also due to stressful times with college, it's risen... I managed to cut it for 2 months, but one day, naively, I thought it'd be good just to smoke one this time looking at the sunrise and it came back again... It's a habit as well, in the sense I and many who smoke, I feel, have that feeling of something lacking if not smoking. As if their escapism through smoking isn't there anymore and replacing with something that does what cigs do really with nicotine as addictive is hard... It's like, whether a sad or a happy moment happens to me --- oh gonna smoke a cigarette to reflect on that... Almost like a ritual, a way to process feelings...
Hmm is your father reluctant in attending therapy? That may very well be based on what you said. Maybe somewhat of tiredness as well with day to day life, idk ofc, but maybe the day to day can catch people into some sort of boredom that is alleviated by those moments of lighting up a little with alcohol, eating. Eating too much many times is related to anxiety too... In the pandemic I ended up eating more than usual due to lockdown and constant anxiety.
I have issues with anxiety. That is one thing he never had issues with. I do think he needs more socialization though because he is a social person. When the place he worked at shut down and he was struggling to find work for a year, he stopped eating. I mean he ate but was not eating much. He even stopped drinking at one point. I think he was actually depressed then. Maybe that is why he doesn't want to give up the beer and the food, it reminds him of how he felt back then. He lost a ton of weight too but he was not happy during that period.
I see. Like feeling depressed when not drinking and finds escapism in drinking? Well it's a form of escapism, right. It's challenging to deal with certain emotions sometimes without going through some sort of escapism. One of the biggest motivators to change that is fear... But still, I think the mentality of "that may happen but I need it right now because I value how I'm feeling now" without thinking too much about future consequences is pretty prevalent. And it isn't a simply "can't you see how bad it makes your health situation?" thing imo because of what you brought up, dealing with feelings without making it less crushing many times overrides the knowledge of potential future outcomes. It's definitely tough....
I think the one makes you mopey and one makes you worried; there can often be an overlap of both.
Depression is sadness, uncaring, giving up, etc.
Anxiety is feeling on edge, worried, nervous, etc. which can become a panic attack.
I get panic attacks as well, would not recommend.
Do you have some strategies when you feel you're having a panic attack? Strategies to calm down.
I just try to talk my self down and focus on my breathing. I will use scripture as well when it gets really bad.
I woke up to a mess from Yuki. Had a stomach issue so he had poop everywhere and then puked. Did the standard stuff I do every morning, get the cats fed and stuff. Brock went up to his window for his nap he takes after he eats. Maybe 30 minutes later, he was dead. Brock passed away. I didn't hear anything. I just hope he went in his sleep and it wasn't painful. I think his heart finally gave out from his heart disease. Jay took him to be cremated. I don't know what to do with myself right now.
