News Florida Man

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Me Chinese, me not nice, me put pee pee in your...cream of ice.
 
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Life is hard with all those emotions and feelz, ya hear?
Right? It's like, if I don't, like, sleep with Lisa tonight, she's, like, totally going to go out with Barkley. That's, like...not me. That'd, like, ruin my, like, life, ya' know? She's my world, bro, we've been, like, dating, for like three weeks now! That's, like, a lifetime, bro! I'm even getting my, like, car washed to take her to, like, this place. It's gonna' be, like, so lit fam. She'll have to, like, sleep with me then, bro.
 
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Right? It's like, if I don't, like, sleep with Lisa tonight, she's, like, totally going to go out with Barkley. That's, like...not me. That'd, like, ruin my, like, life, ya' know? She's my world, bro, we've been, like, dating, for like three weeks now! That's, like, a lifetime, bro! I'm even getting me, like, car washed to take her to, like, this place. It's gonna' be, like, so lit fam. She'll have to, like, sleep with me then, bro.
Like...OMG...I totes didn't read all that!
 
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Florida Police say a man has died after jumping off of a resort balcony with a parachute. The unidentified man jumped from a 14th-floor balcony of the Sunrise Beach Resort in Panama Beach. Police say the man was base-jumping but his chute did not deploy in time, it is believed the man was in his 20s.


Thank you, Florida, you can take another day off, now.
 
That is oddly enough the least Florida-ish man story I have seen in a while.
Agreed, it should have been that he jumped holding an umbrella, or into a pool of jello, or...something! But nope, base jumper gone wrong. It's still Florida, but not Florida enough.
 
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