That's so great! Did you get to meet and talk to any people?
Short of going to a much smaller church, you likely will have a problem with the music volume at a lot of places. Is there anything you can do to manage it?
Relationship Advice Thread
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Short of going to a much smaller church, you likely will have a problem with the music volume at a lot of places. Is there anything you can do to manage it?
Yes. I talked with a handful of people on the first day. They have ear buds to help reduce the volume of the music.
Have you been actively going?
I don't think you necessarily can other than "hey, I'm going to church. Come with me! It has [x]."
You can put the ball in their court and gently encourage them, but there's not a whole lot else you can do.
Yes I have been.
My Mom is open to going eventually. She said she's still grieving over the death of her youngest son, and she retires this year so she won't be able to have fellowship with her Christian based organization.
My Dad is the one I'm really wondering about. He keeps making up reasons why he doesn't want to go, whether it be the loud music, the Church being Baptist based when it's more non denominational, and his past experiences with Churches that made him bitter about Church in general.
We're really on opposite sides of the spectrum. He's perfectionist, picky, and bitter, whereas I'm optimistic and accepting of other people's beliefs.
I asked them if they wanted to go for a Wednesday night service in order to ease them into it and my Mom said she's not ready and my Dad said he doesn't want to commit.
The only way I see my Dad going is if my Mom goes with me, and I don't know if he'll end up going even then.
I'm going to try to go back to Church tomorrow. I realized that the main reason I didn't go last Sunday was because I was going through a state of depression.
That's normal, and it happens. And that's okay.
Try and build relationships with those people there so you have community to lean on and pray for you when that does happen.
Well for starters, do you mean worship band? Because they're very different things, and you want to get that straight before saying anything.
Second, start by introducing yourself before or after service. Compliment the band's overall sound/playing. Don't make it weird.
If the conversation seemingly goes well, try and talk to her and/or her friend group over the next few Sundays and get to know them. Don't make it weird.
I'd start by making small talk first (and I mean for several weeks worth). The "Don't make it weird" part was also to say, don't come on too strongly.
Unless you're Henry Cavill, most women won't like being flirted with from a total stranger, especially while - as nicely as I can put this - they've still got a ways to go on working on themselves (which will usually genuinely be impressive to them when they see results over time).
I'll try find an opportunity where she's alone sometime. Most of the time I see her she's around other people.
One of the pastors said to me that he thinks it's bold of me to go to Church by myself, and other people I know have said this as well. That in itself is something to be proud of.
What does she do in the band? How big is the band? Are the people she generally hangs around afterwards also on the team?
It definitely is! I'm impressed you're doing it, it's a great thing!
... just don't make it uncomfortable by coming on too strong to anyone.
She sings with a microphone. I think between 5 to 10 people generally. Sometimes.
Yeah, that group is far too big to single her out specifically for her performance (especially if she's not the lead). You'd be better off going up to her after (even if she's with people) explicitly saying "you all sounded great" (and then introduce yourself). Don't linger around longer than comfortable (and don't make it weird).
I occasionally get randos coming up to me making small talk after worship complimenting the music and/or my playing. It's a bit awkward getting a comment that focuses on just me, but I'm bashful (and a lot of people on worship teams can be, generally). But given the dynamics (and the fact I'm wearing a ring and often there with my wife) I'm usually assuming they're not flirting with me* so it makes the conversation less awkward. If that's a potential way that she could view it, it can get awkward and weird real fast.
Though I usually assume that my whole life.
So long as you're, normally there that early. If you're going in early just to talk to her, she'll probably pick up on it. And it'll be weird.
But that's also a good time to drop a "I can't wait for church this morning! I really like the worship time every Sunday. You guys are great!"
To tell a story, before my wife and I started dating (which itself was very awkward because I am a very awkward person), she was on her lunchbreak by the harbour in town where she was living. A guy she recognised from the church she was going to (but had never spoken to before) came up and just started making the most awkward small talk, oversharing, and then exchanging numbers (she panicked and gave him hers when he asked). Then he asked her out over text and she shot him down.
She probably would have given him more of a chance if he hadn't come on strongly, made small talk more in a less threatening place like church, and it hadn't been so weird.
Anyway, what I'm saying is how and when you approach someone is as important as what you say when you get there. If you come off like a "You're so pretty! I'm a huge fan!" in how you approach her and drop a compliment immediately, it's probably going to be a turn off. If it's a (as casual as you can) "oh hey, I like how you guys sounded. You do a great job every week!" it's probably more likely to turn into a genuine conversation that's not weird.